Hey Reader,

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Some amount of years ago, I decided that I wasn’t working on hard skills anymore. I don’t remember exactly when, or if there was even a conscious moment when I made the decision.

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It was a gradual process, built on burn out, over training, and teaching more than I could really manage.

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My body hurt. Training big skills didn’t feel productive, it felt like I was banging my head against the wall over and over. Like I was trying and trying but stuck running in place.

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And so I let it go. I figured “that’s it for me, I’ll just keep doing low key stuff.”

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I’ve talked a lot about this experience publicly. Accepting my limits, embracing where I’m at and what feels good.

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Leaning into the joy instead of chasing the next big thing. My aerial practice can be whatever is meaningful to me and still be valid.

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Honestly, I’ve spent a lot of my time as an aerialist riddled with insecurities.

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I was never strong enough, clean enough, creative enough, cool enough. I never believed I was good enough.

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So it was incredibly cathartic to let that all go and just be. Do my thing, work on what I enjoy, and not be stressed about anything else. I didn’t have to worry about anyone’s judgment or perception of me because I wasn’t doing it for their approval.

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I was just doing me.

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That’s not to say that I’m never anxious anymore, or critical of myself, or worried about other peoples opinions of me.

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It’s just a lot easier for me to feel that and then let it go.

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While my aerial training was waining, I was focusing on other, necessary, things.

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Healing.

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And not just healing from an injury, though that has certainly been part of it.

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My nervous system was shot. My gut health was a disaster. My hormones were all over the place.

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And all this dysregulation had been keeping my body from being able to function the way I needed it to in order to effectively train the way I was trying to train.

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And, in fact, the more I pushed myself, the worse it got! Talk about your negative feedback loop!

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So while I was miserable and blaming myself for not being able to push through because I was lazy, wasn’t trying hard enough, didn’t have the work ethic, or whatever other story I told myself, the truth was was that my whole body was crying out for help, for a break, for relief and I just wasn’t listening!

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Stepping back from my aerial training gave me the space, both mental and physical, to heal and recover. I could listen to what my body actually needed, and just do that because I didn’t have these performance goals hanging over me.

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I wasn’t trying to achieve anything other than feeling better.

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And after years of that, I feel…better?!

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Last year, I started my plan of tricking myself into training more by learning new things. I went to pole class, I started playing around on Lyra.

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And it worked! I got way more consistent about my training, and I started really enjoying it again!

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I choreographed an act and performed for the first time in 5 years.

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I’ve been getting stronger in a way that feels really good, and not like I’m constantly about to fall apart.

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Recently, I’ve started trying some more challenging things that I’d put to bed. Dynamic skills, straight arm inverts, roll ups.

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And while they’re still hard, I’ve been finding that I can connect to and understand these skills in ways that I was never able to before. Because all the work I’ve been doing to heal my body has been addressing all the things that were holding me back from doing them back when I was desperately trying to learn them.

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The unintended benefit from stepping back from training hard is that now I’m more capable, and more able to work on those hard skills than I ever was before.

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This was never the plan. I honestly thought I was done with that part, and I was okay with that. I just wanted my body to feel better, to move better, because I have to live in it!

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My point in sharing all this, if I even have one, is to say that often our journeys in life are not direct. More often than not, it’s a messy, circuitous, blind and backwards route we have to travel to get where we want to go.

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And once you get there, you might realize that you ended up somewhere entirely different than you planned.

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But taking the time to figure out what you ACTUALLY need-

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Not what you think you need, but what you really really need, even if it seems to be taking you away from what you want, is never going to be a wasted effort.
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And in the end, you may end up somewhere that you never expected.

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Hey, I’m not saying you should stop working on your big goals in order to achieve your big goals! I just want you to have the support you need in your training so you don’t end up like me.

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And that means getting the knowledge and tools that you need to create a sustainable training plan!

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You have the advantage of being able to learn from me, and other coaches like me, so that you don’t have to learn things the hard way like we did.

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That’s why I’m so happy to be involved in the upcoming Revival Aerial Summit.

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Jessica John of Circus Mobility is bringing together over 30 coaches to share their expertise with you so you can start making smart, sane decisions in your training now.

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The summit is June 6-8, and tickets are free!

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Love,

Lauren

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PS: My East Coast trip is quickly approaching! Come see me at Monarca in Flight for C4 weekend June 19-22, or at NECCA for my dance trapeze immersion weekend, June 27-29!

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